Family and How We Unthinkingly Break It

I have a Russian cousin, Tatiana.  More accurately she is my Russian wife's cousin, about 50 now while I am at 55 and the wife at 47.

Sofia Butusova, Suicided at 11

Tatiana, or more simply, Tanya, hasn't had a fair shake in life.  Divorced long ago.  Later made pregnant by a man most married.  He to another lady with two children.  Imagine the surprise. That was 11 years back.  Sofia was born.  Brunette, shy, knows who her father is but can never really spend time with him.

Instead she has mother Tanya, by Russian law an invalid due to her ongoing leukemia or blood cancer.  She also has a grandmother who with weak recollection struck me as something of a bitch.  Never liked her.  Tanya and I get along well enough.

Being an invalid in Russia isn't great.  Monthly compensation from 12,000 to 21,000 rubles a month or US$200 to US$320. Not much to living in Russian poverty though they own their own home, a gift from father.

Tanya was having a bad day.  She has a lot of those.  She had via a blood transfusion five years back had apparently beat the disease having located a donor in Germany and again as Tanya is an invalid, the Russian government covers the costs.

Tanya just was the recipient of another transfusion, same donor.

Sofia, who I only met once when she came with her mother on a trip from their home in Russia's 3rd largest city, Nizhniy Novgorod to our home in Saint Petersburg.  This must have been the fall as I recollect.

We didn't speak much, me being quite aware of our age difference and we had only just met.

I recall Sofia's birth, and cognizant of Tanya's cancer status with absolutely no hesitation suggested if things got bad for Tanya we would  adopt Sofia.  

I surprised myself as I thought not and simply decided. Daughters need parents and families.

Yesterday I learned that which were the details surrounding Sofia's passing at the tender age of eleven of which I was unaware.

At 11 she found an 11 story building, leapt from the top and ended her world.  

Svetlana, in gentle conversation about our son and his summer of 2020 provided me details I had not known about Sofia's far too early passing.

Her birth father planned to take his two children on a trip. Sofia desperately sought to join them and failed.

For whatever reason Sofia then stole 150 rubles from her mother in hope's of joining her father.  This is the equivalent of US$25.

Her mother found out and having something of a bad day herself let loose on Sofia, accusing her in public of being a thief, announcing through shop how her 11 year old daughter stole 150 rubles and as a result what a horrible person she. 

Tanya then commanded Sofia to find her sneakers so they might go home.  They had been in the car.  Tanya in a misguided moment removed aforementioned sneakers from the car making the task impossible.

Sofia, saddened by all measure of reason took off to find her sneakers never to be seen again; I am sure she thought about possibly travelling with her dad, as well as wondering why her mother so hurtful.

Imagine those thoughts, that decision as Sofia decided rather than go on to end it all from that 11 story building.

In effect Tanya killed the one thing in this world she so desperately loved, her daughter.  The words. The emotions. The actions.  And finally the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back in the form of her mother hiding Sofia's sneakers while giving contrary instruction on finding them.

Since that fall day of 2019 I am saddened.  I expected Tanya to pass and we, Svetlana and self would adopt Sofia and change her life for we are no invalids.

Sofia is gone.  Forever.  Her mother Tanya wails on the phone; she is in a living hell as she knew where the sneakers were and was, to my mind, cruel and stupid.

Never to see Sofia again...  Tanya's cancer is back and we hope for the best.  Yesterday I was shocked to learn these additional events surrounding Sofia's passing.  

And as to Tanya, mixed feelings, sympathy and compassion for the passing of our young niece, horror that Tanya pushed her there unwittingly and must live out her days with this knowledge.

Reminds me how back in 2014 I last heard from three of my siblings.  I apparently am dead to them.   This due to corrupt police, terrorist watch lists, 'parallel construction' in my police file justifying the time and expense.  Gangstalkers.  Or citizens seeking to aid the police by snooping and reporting. Don't know.  I suspect gangstalkers is the more accurate term.  And all this based on the criminal lie that was 9-11.

Desperation fills our world.  Sofia's world at an end.

I wondered today had I taken desperate measures when kicked out into the cold by my siblings how would they have felt.  Or would they simply buy the police narrative, trusting authority from the types who murdered JFK and more.

And though not religious I light a candle for Sofia when the situation presents itself.

Stupidity.  Cruelty.  Lies.

These killed a young lady and left me isolated from my family, from those with whom I grew up.  Were they to know about Sofia, what then.  Indeed, what then?